Rations and rehab- aspy diaries

they told me to expect ptsd. a late diagnosis of, what do we call it now? the autism that makes me “high functioning”. its like ur life flashes before your eyes. and u have this moment of horror- how did i not know that was abuse.

its common in autistic women. alot of abuse. all i know is aspy women and horror stories. shot up on lithium coz they had an episode. they got so tired of wondering what was real and what wasnt that ur brain kind of cracks eventually.

its no wonder suicide in aspy women is extremely high. they die younger due to stress. the stress of reading others body moments and listening to their words to calculate if this time the meaning lines up.

the rebirth is traumatizing. u lose all ur friends. ur not as pleasant anymore. its almost like a permanent change. u go from masking alot to not being able to at all. and then everyone hates you.

u learn to say no and everyone hates you. u decide to tell the truth and ur the problem. so the rebirth was violent. the “body count” is everyone.

cept the two that never leave. and once in a while he gives me vodka rations. ptsd to ptsd- hey- no judgement, take the edge off. ur safe here.

id say thats plenty.